Why Me

                                                                                                                                            7-6-22

 

Have you ever stopped and wondered why me..

Why did I get raped, what did I do to deserve it

Why didn’t anyone do anything to stop it.

Why did God allow me to go through this,

Why did I need to learn this lesson.

Well I have countless times, restless sleep

nightmares, depression, anxiety

wondering what would my life be like if I was never voilited.

Who would I be, today without the baggage of trauma.

Lessons learned is  I have voice and I am learning how to speak with no apologies

I am resilient

I am brave

I am strong 

This is me

I am an advocate for myself

Overcoming trauma is not easy, nor does it look alike for everyone  healing is slow and looks different for everyone. 

I have gone through therapy, face to face and online and went through a number of therapists to find the perfect fit. 

I am thankful for my trauma, Yes I know that sounds strange, because without it  I wouldn't have moved out of my hometown

I wouldn't have met my friends

I would never have met the perfect guy who I am lucky to call my boyfriend.

I am learning to live this life as a person who is thriving, I have survived the hardest part of my journey so far and now it's time to learn how to leave the past in the past and move forward with my life. 

The depression, anxiety, fear,restless nights and nightmares, stress the emotional and physical stress is a VICIOUS CYCLE.  

I know I am safe from the man who raped me, but I still am fearful and I am hypersensitive to my surroundings. I still feel fearful from a knock on the door or unknown callers and shadows thinking it's him.

I have learned to know what my boundaries are, what I can control and how to relieve the stress. 

When I first moved away from my hometown. I started to loose control and the only way I could do that and be true to myself and gain my power and confidence in the bedroom, I used men like they were drugs. I would go from one night stands to seeing multiple guys at once and to have men who just came over, did the deed and left. My therapists have said that's normal for people who have been through what I went through.



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